Giblets

Today:

1. visited a huge chicken processing factory. It was incredibly interesting learning not just about the whole process but also about the business aspect of things; I am contemplating (not going into the chicken business! but rather) the course of my life and the risks I want to take and the decisions I make. It was an odd experience watching the chickens get stunned, throats slit and then the blood dripping dripping dripping and the odd chicken or two still flapping its wings feebly when suspended, bleeding dry, upside-down on the conveyor belt. What got to me most was the smell, I think, it was a thick warm farm smell with an uncomfortably raw edge. But all in all a highly enlightening experience and I still managed to eat chicken for lunch afterwards without any difficulty.

2. finished an anthology of Raymond Carver's short stories - Short Cuts. Apparently it's a good film as well and I shall try to see it someday. Carver has been in my heart ever since A Small Good Thing in secondary school; "the human connection" was what Ms K called it and I think it stuck with me, that phrase was a turning point of sorts in my relationship with literature as a subject. His other short stories are similarly dark and lonely and (sometimes) hopeful but I still have the most affection for A Small Good Thing, probably because of my nostalgia. And the lingering presence of the cinnamon buns in the story. Who can resist cinnamon buns, seriously?

3. felt better about driving, less nerves, more excitement - I figured that I'll pass it eventually (LOL) even if I end up failing the first time. I guess this was due to a combination of talks I had with the parents and other people today and yesterday. It has been rather silly of me to fear it so much. I'm going to be fine!

4. felt better about everything, in general. Indeed I have been silly to fear anything so much. Yes, there are so many roads before me, but I think I can do whatever I want (maybe this is residual feelgoodness from Forrest Gump yesterday). In any case, there is no wrong decision, only longer and shorter paths to the end.

And there is God with me (: